Yesterday, based on a conversation Sean and I had Sunday night I was excited when I found out that Ed Halferty was going to Light of Life mission by himself. I have been wanting Sean to go, generally because he feels that he is doing little for the Lord and is isolated from the Christians during the week. So I figured I could more than 1 bird with 1 stone. He likes Ed, he needs to serve (men and Ed) and he will see others who are in more dire straights than he is. I felt a very strong urge that he should go, almost must go. I thought, he won't want to go he has brushed off my suggestions in the past, but he has shown some small interest. So at lunch I was near Ed and Sean as they got their food from the table. So I asked Ed if he was really going by himself to Light of Life..and he said he was. I asked what time he was going and he said it started at 6:30. I asked what time he would be leaving home and he said around 5 pm. I said Sean you should go with him! Sean said you know I go to see my mother. I said yes but I thought that you are usually home by that time. He said well yes, but. He looked at a loss of words but his demeanor was no way! I said nevermind I know basically what you want to say you don't have to say it. So at lunch I said a couple of times how bad I felt that Ed had to go alone. I would go if I could but I can't. After lunch Sean apologized for being moody with me. I said, you where? You must be a really good actor I thought things were fine. He said I am? I thought everything I said and did showed my moodiness. I said I didn't notice anything except when we were in line. I told him I was sorry that tried to sign him up for something. He said that it was ok he knew my intentions were good. Then he told me that he has been feeling moody, that he doesn't look forward to anything and that he feels competely without direction.
So some guys showed up at our table and I went to the ladies Bible study.

When I came up stairs he looked happy and said, "I am going to the mission tonight" "I told Ed maybe I would come along." Ed looked so happy to have a friend coming down. He told us that Sean could help with the singing...sean said that he could sing loud anyway! LOL I bet the singing sounded really crazy!~

Now I am dying to know how things went!

Over the last couple of weeks that I have been aware of and more generally over the last few months Sean has been getting discouraged. Yesterday he surprised me when he said that he is "moody, doesn't look forward to things, and has not direction in his life..about anything."
These themes are not new but seem to be coming up with increasing frequency. He looked emotional, in pain when he said these things. He has trouble expressing exactly what is going on but tried. Our time was brief before other people came to the table and we stopped talking about his struggles.

His other themes are lonliness and lack of Christian fellowship. I am sure that my needing to put distance between us has not helped. As he put it, when i count my christians friends there is charlotte..and..noone. I alone cannot provide him with the friendship and support that he needs. I am happy to contribute but I am not enough. The same way that he is not enough for me either. We need community. I get some of that from living at home but still I struggle.