Well once I got throught with the relationship change, and the natural feelings of loss. I began to feel a great weight lifted from my shoulders. It is a great strain trying to get someone to love you who doesn't. Cares for me sure, but not a "deep passionate love" like I long for.


Obedience to God feels good. It feels like freedom.

Freedom from trying to please him all the time is wonderful. The Lord's yoke is easy. The yoke of man pleasing is very very heavy. I didn't even know how heavy it was until I shed it.

Sean never asked me to try to please him or to change anything..I just longed to please him because I was falling in love with him. Thank God he is honest enough with his own feelings to not allow us to make a big mistake. I guess maybe I didn't love him. Those feelings are difficult to understand. How could it feel so good to be rid of the ambivilance if I really loved him? I still say the feelings follow the thinking. If the thinking is right the feelings will follow. I guess in the end following God's will brings happiness and everything else brings less.