It's been five months since I last wrote. I started a new blog for the riding school. Maybe that's why I write less in this one. However this one is the one that is of personal significance to me.

The knee continues to improve. I believe the knee itself is fine. However the muscles in the leg continue to need to be strengthened. I stopped going to physical therapy in February (28th!).

I think the biggest change has been little Desi died ON MY BIRTHDAY. He had been sick for about since the Wed of that week. He had a nose bleed issue and he stopped eating at first on a Wed night. I know because I got called home from church on a night when I was suppose to teach (spiritual birthday night). He died on the 22nd, a Saturday. He was 33 years old. I miss him a lot.

A positive change is that I got a CUTE dog named Tejas from the Humane Society. She is a Gordon Setter cross (maybe pure bred). She is very trained, but she likes to flush cats and chase them. Originally mother was suppose to get a dog. So she looked once at the shelter and then I browsed online and showed her Tejas. (Original name Tara at the shelter). She liked her so mom and dad went to get her on a Wed night. However the little dog (21 inches; 40 pounds) pulls on the leash. So mom couldn't handle her. So I got the job of walking her and since she cried at night I started letting her sleep at the foot of my bed. Now the dog thinks she is my dog and I kind of agree. She got horribly sick last weekend throwing up and diarrhea on and off from Fri-Sun.
Her tricks are sit, stay, stop, go, paw, roll over, heel (ya right) and she is house trained. I am trying to get her calm around the cats and I want to get her an electronic fence system that will keep her around the house.

I went to Montana in March. It was challenging because the course Coun 521 was a busy, busy course and I was still taking 512 (Group). However I managed to get a good visit in and I kept my grades up by the end of the semester (I think I got 3 As last semester).

Now I have 1 more class and then I can start my internship unless I decide to complete the 60 hour program and then do the internship. However I think I should go ahead and get the clinical hours in. I need to start earning money instead of just spending it.

I agreed to help with Diane Gordan's wedding music. That went pretty well. We need some better sheet music and she made some changes. However we seem to have a good start on the whole thing. Several girls will be singing one song (Ashley, Ginie, Joanna & Rachel).

School has gotten busier and busier every semester. This one has a lot of reading from the DSM-IV-TR. I am hoping to use the next few days to catch up, especially today. Mom and Dad are in Montana. Bless her heart Annamarie is here doing the AM horse work. Today is Memorial Day. I might go to Kathleen's later today for a picnic. I'll see.

Now I need to take the hairy monster (that's what the cats call Tajes) out for a walk. I hope to study on the porch today.

I have been instant messaging and sending facebook messages with a guy from Liberty. He is in the MDiv program via distance learning. His name is Jimmie. He's very sweet and very devoted to the Lord. One never knows... I think I could get to like him very much. However I want to let him do the intiating...never easy for me to do.

My Ideal Life--Job
At my ideal job I have a great deal of flexibility regarding my schedule.
It is ok if I come in late and I can do my work in the time I come and go
and I get a lot of time off of work without having to work compensation time
to make up for the time I was off.

At my job I have appointments or a great deal of control of when I work.
I would live close to where I work, but my workplace would not be at my home.

I would usually get up around 9-10. Get started with my work around 11 be home by 4 and then have the evening to play with my horse when the weather is nice or sit and read by the fire if the weather is cold.

I could wear comfortable and casual clothes.

My job would involve me being around people.
It would offer some variety and would sometimes be inside and sometimes be outside.

I could see my self in some sort of teaching role; or advising role.
I would connect with people and my coworkers and clients would be
people I enjoy being around.

There could be animals around and someone else would take care of my paper work and of keeping my work space clean and organized.

I would work with coworkers who respected me and enjoyed being around me.
We would share details of our lives with each other and we would socialize outside of work.
They would be Christians.

Maybe I would have the horses involved somehow, but Iwould definately have plenty of time to keep my horses in work and I would have friends to ride with on the trail. I would be able to travel and I would be able to show my horse (and have the money).

Getting aggravated isn't worth.
I had a student in a lesson and she wasn't doing as well as I think she
should. Through the lesson I had to continually remind her of her mistakes.
The pony was too fast and the girl too timid. She had control but it took
a lot of work for her to get it, from both her and me.
Then she made a mess of the untacking and I got
irritated and told her she should know how to do this
and she needs to come to camp to learn to do it better.

I hurt her feelings and made her not want to come back to lessons.
Exactly what I didn't want to do to her.
I feel guilty and bad.
Anger does nothing to help.

I wrote her an apology, asked her to forgive me, and sent her
a check from my checking account.

I've been out of my Bible way too long and the consequences and catching up with me...

My knee weakness had made me feel like I have needed comfort and I have sought it
from a lot of different sources. One of those sources has been Sean. I let down my "rules of engagement" because I have missed him and I have been lonely..also I've felt sorry for myself. for those reasons I sought comfort from spending time with him. Which is fine except once I cross a line it is always hard to go back. It started that I was talking to him a lot on the phone. Then when I did go back to church I sat with him a couple of times, then we went to a play "Grease" together last weekend. Then on Sunday I suggested going to breakfast next week. He always agrees but he shows hesitancy..I can hear it in his voice. And I know why...he remembers how attached I get and that painful talk we had to have in April. So, I must go back to my side of the boundaries that we have established..it is for the best. But its not easy..

I changed our breakfast to a group breakfast with Annamarie and Louise, that's a start.
I need to seek my strength from the Lord, not from other people...or from FOOD! Which is another story...

The knee knows~
I got my ACL reconstruction and my meniscus repair surgery on September 5th.

I had Dr Neushwander of Monroeville do it for me.

It was an outpatient procedure....uggg it should have been an inpatient..the first 72 hour were painful and difficult. After the pain let up then I had Charley horses in my left calf. Had to go the next week to get tested for a blood clot. There was none, thankfully!

I am walking with crutches and the knee pain is controlled by Advil. I stopped taking the Oxycodone 8 days after surgery. I had withdrawal reactions including sweats, hot, irritability. I sort of flipped out..and cleaned the kitchen, washed my hair and hollered at Dad.

I get frustrated at every PT visit. But I really like my Pt therapist. Her name is Angie.

At my 2 week visit the dr did not release me to unlock my brace. However I do when I want to..which bothers Angie. From now on I will keep my lack of following direction to myself..that will keep her from getting frustrated. (me too).

A lot has changed. I was not "invited" back to Praise Christian for the new school year. It stinks to have people disappointed enough in how I teach that they choose to fire me. However I think that the parents must have been talking to Mrs. Jacobs and the school higher ups. When I asked why she said my curriculum had reached a plateau. I think the core of my problem was a lack of communication home. I didn't have printers so I wasn't sending papers home and my reports through the report cards must not have been good enough, because in reality the curriculum I teach is quite advanced for the ages of the students that I teach...which is why the older kids have such a hard time learning it. I guess I needed to do newsletters, get stuff printed, and send home CDs with their stuff on it. But it was hard in a lab that had few working printers, cdr drives that only sometimes open, and old computers that don't have them, as well as cameras and scanners that don't work. I guess live and learn.

I am peaceful about not going back I just wish that it had been my decision instead of theirs. However it is nice to know for sure that God has closed that chapter in my life. Now I need to get back on the substitute lists so that I can earn a meager income. Hopefully I will be able to visit people more as a substitute. I am praying about God's will for my life. Within 2 years I should be ready for a job as a counselor. LORD WILLING.

Sean's sister Patty was visiting. She took a insurance coding course last year. She seems to think that she leaped into that without praying about it..both she and her best friend.

Sean is activated now...suppose to travel 50% of the time, but this month he only will be gone 4 days...to Jamaica...:) that doesn't sound too bad to me Aug 21-25. He still needs a real job. This one is temporary. He will be the person who keeps the records for one plane and cleans it, sets up the seats, fuels it...etc. I see it as he is the planes Mama..I guess Papa would be more the word he would like.

Chase is sound...really for the first time in 2 years other than spurts of soundness. His lameness was due to 2 sets of abcesses that damaged his hoof wall over the last couple of years. He seems to like being ridden and I have been doing quite a lot of that over the last 2 weeks. I have had him to the bottom ring both top rings and have done a small amount of woods trail riding with him. Sat I rode him bareback. So far so good.

Luke isn't doing too badly on his trail training. Dad took him out Sat...and they did a woods ride. Luke was so relaxed that he fell down onto his knees on the trail. Dad seemed bemused by that but willing to give the old boy another chance.

Sonny has been lame for the last month. Why is a mystery. I think maybe the hard ground. I have done blisters on his legs, soaked his foot etc. (front left is lame). He's not head bobbing lame he just a little short....I guess God wants me to work Chase right now.

Rio is doing good. I think he is ready for others to ride him. However he is a bit lame due to his frogs shedding and leaving huge (3/4 inch holes around the frog area) very strange...

This week we have camp..Advanced..more like intermediate...Ariona Franklin, Angelica Sarn and Kelsey Sugrue. I have been praying for safety, souls, and a good camp. Mom wants to have kids club on Thursday. We invited the smith kids (thompson house) and I would like to invite the brantly children...but their phone number changed and I see them rarely. Maybe I should go knock on the door (ugg...I need more obedience in that area).