My Journey

2008-05-26T04:36:00.000-07:00

It's been five months since I last wrote. I started a new blog for the riding school. Maybe that's why I write less in this one. However this one is the one that is of personal significance to me.

The knee continues to improve. I believe the knee itself is fine. However the muscles in the leg continue to need to be strengthened. I stopped going to physical therapy in February (28th!).

I think the biggest change has been little Desi died ON MY BIRTHDAY. He had been sick for about since the Wed of that week. He had a nose bleed issue and he stopped eating at first on a Wed night. I know because I got called home from church on a night when I was suppose to teach (spiritual birthday night). He died on the 22nd, a Saturday. He was 33 years old. I miss him a lot.

A positive change is that I got a CUTE dog named Tejas from the Humane Society. She is a Gordon Setter cross (maybe pure bred). She is very trained, but she likes to flush cats and chase them. Originally mother was suppose to get a dog. So she looked once at the shelter and then I browsed online and showed her Tejas. (Original name Tara at the shelter). She liked her so mom and dad went to get her on a Wed night. However the little dog (21 inches; 40 pounds) pulls on the leash. So mom couldn't handle her. So I got the job of walking her and since she cried at night I started letting her sleep at the foot of my bed. Now the dog thinks she is my dog and I kind of agree. She got horribly sick last weekend throwing up and diarrhea on and off from Fri-Sun.
Her tricks are sit, stay, stop, go, paw, roll over, heel (ya right) and she is house trained. I am trying to get her calm around the cats and I want to get her an electronic fence system that will keep her around the house.

I went to Montana in March. It was challenging because the course Coun 521 was a busy, busy course and I was still taking 512 (Group). However I managed to get a good visit in and I kept my grades up by the end of the semester (I think I got 3 As last semester).

Now I have 1 more class and then I can start my internship unless I decide to complete the 60 hour program and then do the internship. However I think I should go ahead and get the clinical hours in. I need to start earning money instead of just spending it.

I agreed to help with Diane Gordan's wedding music. That went pretty well. We need some better sheet music and she made some changes. However we seem to have a good start on the whole thing. Several girls will be singing one song (Ashley, Ginie, Joanna & Rachel).

School has gotten busier and busier every semester. This one has a lot of reading from the DSM-IV-TR. I am hoping to use the next few days to catch up, especially today. Mom and Dad are in Montana. Bless her heart Annamarie is here doing the AM horse work. Today is Memorial Day. I might go to Kathleen's later today for a picnic. I'll see.

Now I need to take the hairy monster (that's what the cats call Tajes) out for a walk. I hope to study on the porch today.

2007-11-10T13:22:00.000-08:00

I have been instant messaging and sending facebook messages with a guy from Liberty. He is in the MDiv program via distance learning. His name is Jimmie. He's very sweet and very devoted to the Lord. One never knows... I think I could get to like him very much. However I want to let him do the intiating...never easy for me to do.

2007-11-06T11:26:00.000-08:00

My Ideal Life--Job
At my ideal job I have a great deal of flexibility regarding my schedule.
It is ok if I come in late and I can do my work in the time I come and go
and I get a lot of time off of work without having to work compensation time
to make up for the time I was off.

At my job I have appointments or a great deal of control of when I work.
I would live close to where I work, but my workplace would not be at my home.

I would usually get up around 9-10. Get started with my work around 11 be home by 4 and then have the evening to play with my horse when the weather is nice or sit and read by the fire if the weather is cold.

I could wear comfortable and casual clothes.

My job would involve me being around people.
It would offer some variety and would sometimes be inside and sometimes be outside.

I could see my self in some sort of teaching role; or advising role.
I would connect with people and my coworkers and clients would be
people I enjoy being around.

There could be animals around and someone else would take care of my paper work and of keeping my work space clean and organized.

I would work with coworkers who respected me and enjoyed being around me.
We would share details of our lives with each other and we would socialize outside of work.
They would be Christians.

Maybe I would have the horses involved somehow, but Iwould definately have plenty of time to keep my horses in work and I would have friends to ride with on the trail. I would be able to travel and I would be able to show my horse (and have the money).

2007-11-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

Getting aggravated isn't worth.
I had a student in a lesson and she wasn't doing as well as I think she
should. Through the lesson I had to continually remind her of her mistakes.
The pony was too fast and the girl too timid. She had control but it took
a lot of work for her to get it, from both her and me.
Then she made a mess of the untacking and I got
irritated and told her she should know how to do this
and she needs to come to camp to learn to do it better.

I hurt her feelings and made her not want to come back to lessons.
Exactly what I didn't want to do to her.
I feel guilty and bad.
Anger does nothing to help.

I wrote her an apology, asked her to forgive me, and sent her
a check from my checking account.

I've been out of my Bible way too long and the consequences and catching up with me...

2007-10-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

My knee weakness had made me feel like I have needed comfort and I have sought it
from a lot of different sources. One of those sources has been Sean. I let down my "rules of engagement" because I have missed him and I have been lonely..also I've felt sorry for myself. for those reasons I sought comfort from spending time with him. Which is fine except once I cross a line it is always hard to go back. It started that I was talking to him a lot on the phone. Then when I did go back to church I sat with him a couple of times, then we went to a play "Grease" together last weekend. Then on Sunday I suggested going to breakfast next week. He always agrees but he shows hesitancy..I can hear it in his voice. And I know why...he remembers how attached I get and that painful talk we had to have in April. So, I must go back to my side of the boundaries that we have established..it is for the best. But its not easy..

I changed our breakfast to a group breakfast with Annamarie and Louise, that's a start.
I need to seek my strength from the Lord, not from other people...or from FOOD! Which is another story...

2007-09-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

The knee knows~
I got my ACL reconstruction and my meniscus repair surgery on September 5th.

I had Dr Neushwander of Monroeville do it for me.

It was an outpatient procedure....uggg it should have been an inpatient..the first 72 hour were painful and difficult. After the pain let up then I had Charley horses in my left calf. Had to go the next week to get tested for a blood clot. There was none, thankfully!

I am walking with crutches and the knee pain is controlled by Advil. I stopped taking the Oxycodone 8 days after surgery. I had withdrawal reactions including sweats, hot, irritability. I sort of flipped out..and cleaned the kitchen, washed my hair and hollered at Dad.

I get frustrated at every PT visit. But I really like my Pt therapist. Her name is Angie.

At my 2 week visit the dr did not release me to unlock my brace. However I do when I want to..which bothers Angie. From now on I will keep my lack of following direction to myself..that will keep her from getting frustrated. (me too).

2007-08-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

A lot has changed. I was not "invited" back to Praise Christian for the new school year. It stinks to have people disappointed enough in how I teach that they choose to fire me. However I think that the parents must have been talking to Mrs. Jacobs and the school higher ups. When I asked why she said my curriculum had reached a plateau. I think the core of my problem was a lack of communication home. I didn't have printers so I wasn't sending papers home and my reports through the report cards must not have been good enough, because in reality the curriculum I teach is quite advanced for the ages of the students that I teach...which is why the older kids have such a hard time learning it. I guess I needed to do newsletters, get stuff printed, and send home CDs with their stuff on it. But it was hard in a lab that had few working printers, cdr drives that only sometimes open, and old computers that don't have them, as well as cameras and scanners that don't work. I guess live and learn.

I am peaceful about not going back I just wish that it had been my decision instead of theirs. However it is nice to know for sure that God has closed that chapter in my life. Now I need to get back on the substitute lists so that I can earn a meager income. Hopefully I will be able to visit people more as a substitute. I am praying about God's will for my life. Within 2 years I should be ready for a job as a counselor. LORD WILLING.

Sean's sister Patty was visiting. She took a insurance coding course last year. She seems to think that she leaped into that without praying about it..both she and her best friend.

Sean is activated now...suppose to travel 50% of the time, but this month he only will be gone 4 days...to Jamaica...:) that doesn't sound too bad to me Aug 21-25. He still needs a real job. This one is temporary. He will be the person who keeps the records for one plane and cleans it, sets up the seats, fuels it...etc. I see it as he is the planes Mama..I guess Papa would be more the word he would like.

Chase is sound...really for the first time in 2 years other than spurts of soundness. His lameness was due to 2 sets of abcesses that damaged his hoof wall over the last couple of years. He seems to like being ridden and I have been doing quite a lot of that over the last 2 weeks. I have had him to the bottom ring both top rings and have done a small amount of woods trail riding with him. Sat I rode him bareback. So far so good.

Luke isn't doing too badly on his trail training. Dad took him out Sat...and they did a woods ride. Luke was so relaxed that he fell down onto his knees on the trail. Dad seemed bemused by that but willing to give the old boy another chance.

Sonny has been lame for the last month. Why is a mystery. I think maybe the hard ground. I have done blisters on his legs, soaked his foot etc. (front left is lame). He's not head bobbing lame he just a little short....I guess God wants me to work Chase right now.

Rio is doing good. I think he is ready for others to ride him. However he is a bit lame due to his frogs shedding and leaving huge (3/4 inch holes around the frog area) very strange...

This week we have camp..Advanced..more like intermediate...Ariona Franklin, Angelica Sarn and Kelsey Sugrue. I have been praying for safety, souls, and a good camp. Mom wants to have kids club on Thursday. We invited the smith kids (thompson house) and I would like to invite the brantly children...but their phone number changed and I see them rarely. Maybe I should go knock on the door (ugg...I need more obedience in that area).

2007-06-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

Last week I noticed that I get all cranky. I was trying very hard to get a lot accomplished, to be a good daughter. Yet, I was impatient and thought arrogant thoughts when mother did or said something that did not go along with my mental plans. If I thought she was slowing me down, or making me do something I didn't want to do or thought was dumb I cop'd an attitude. All this while studying the "Christian disciplines". I could feel this stiffness in me; the tenseness that demanded that I get everything on my list done.

So after wearing myself and everyone around me out on Tuesday. I decided to "stop hurrying" like a guy in the book I am reading suggested. I decided that I would relax and get done what I can but not kill myself off and be cranky with everyone else. That helped. I've been trying to be more willing to be servant hearted, but it's hard. The inner old Charlotte is very strong.

I decided to not take the 2nd summer course this summer. I am more busy when I am home trying to ride the horses than when I got to work two days per week!

2007-05-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, based on a conversation Sean and I had Sunday night I was excited when I found out that Ed Halferty was going to Light of Life mission by himself. I have been wanting Sean to go, generally because he feels that he is doing little for the Lord and is isolated from the Christians during the week. So I figured I could more than 1 bird with 1 stone. He likes Ed, he needs to serve (men and Ed) and he will see others who are in more dire straights than he is. I felt a very strong urge that he should go, almost must go. I thought, he won't want to go he has brushed off my suggestions in the past, but he has shown some small interest. So at lunch I was near Ed and Sean as they got their food from the table. So I asked Ed if he was really going by himself to Light of Life..and he said he was. I asked what time he was going and he said it started at 6:30. I asked what time he would be leaving home and he said around 5 pm. I said Sean you should go with him! Sean said you know I go to see my mother. I said yes but I thought that you are usually home by that time. He said well yes, but. He looked at a loss of words but his demeanor was no way! I said nevermind I know basically what you want to say you don't have to say it. So at lunch I said a couple of times how bad I felt that Ed had to go alone. I would go if I could but I can't. After lunch Sean apologized for being moody with me. I said, you where? You must be a really good actor I thought things were fine. He said I am? I thought everything I said and did showed my moodiness. I said I didn't notice anything except when we were in line. I told him I was sorry that tried to sign him up for something. He said that it was ok he knew my intentions were good. Then he told me that he has been feeling moody, that he doesn't look forward to anything and that he feels competely without direction.
So some guys showed up at our table and I went to the ladies Bible study.

When I came up stairs he looked happy and said, "I am going to the mission tonight" "I told Ed maybe I would come along." Ed looked so happy to have a friend coming down. He told us that Sean could help with the singing...sean said that he could sing loud anyway! LOL I bet the singing sounded really crazy!~

Now I am dying to know how things went!

Over the last couple of weeks that I have been aware of and more generally over the last few months Sean has been getting discouraged. Yesterday he surprised me when he said that he is "moody, doesn't look forward to things, and has not direction in his life..about anything."
These themes are not new but seem to be coming up with increasing frequency. He looked emotional, in pain when he said these things. He has trouble expressing exactly what is going on but tried. Our time was brief before other people came to the table and we stopped talking about his struggles.

His other themes are lonliness and lack of Christian fellowship. I am sure that my needing to put distance between us has not helped. As he put it, when i count my christians friends there is charlotte..and..noone. I alone cannot provide him with the friendship and support that he needs. I am happy to contribute but I am not enough. The same way that he is not enough for me either. We need community. I get some of that from living at home but still I struggle.

2007-05-10T17:12:00.000-07:00

I am tired tonight. Mom and Dad got home from Montana late Tuesday night.
The trip was pleasant and tension between them and Suzanne almost nonexistent. Mother's knee is better but she is still very unsteady on her leg.

I have had my knee injury checked by 2 specialists. I also got a MRI and x-rays. I need a new ACL ligament and some of my meniscus needs to be removed. I plan to have Dr. Neushwander do the surgery. Both specialists suggest that I get the surgery soon in order to avoid further damage, but I have decided to be careful and to get surgery in November if that is possible.

Since Sean and I had our break up we still haven't been in church together on a Sunday Morning. That should happen this week. I am not looking forward to that change. However all changes require adjustment and I am sure that over the next month or so things will get easier. Last night was particularly difficult for me. We had pizza for the AWANA clubbers since it was the last club of this year. I felt like he wanted me to join him to eat pizza, but I chose to talk to Leslie Hines and some other ladies instead. Then later I didn't spend time with him when it was time to go home instead I talked with Kathy Halferty and another Mrs. Pereseta. Over time the wierdness will wear off.

Now I must write this book report.

2007-04-15T19:37:00.000-07:00

Well once I got throught with the relationship change, and the natural feelings of loss. I began to feel a great weight lifted from my shoulders. It is a great strain trying to get someone to love you who doesn't. Cares for me sure, but not a "deep passionate love" like I long for.

Obedience to God feels good. It feels like freedom.

Freedom from trying to please him all the time is wonderful. The Lord's yoke is easy. The yoke of man pleasing is very very heavy. I didn't even know how heavy it was until I shed it.

Sean never asked me to try to please him or to change anything..I just longed to please him because I was falling in love with him. Thank God he is honest enough with his own feelings to not allow us to make a big mistake. I guess maybe I didn't love him. Those feelings are difficult to understand. How could it feel so good to be rid of the ambivilance if I really loved him? I still say the feelings follow the thinking. If the thinking is right the feelings will follow. I guess in the end following God's will brings happiness and everything else brings less.

2007-04-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

Well, the Lord must have been listening when I prayed. I really did pray alot about my relationship with Sean and wanting to have God's will.

Wed when Sean got to church he said he had gotten tickets to Katie Hartman's play, but that he was planning to take his mother. Between that and the fact that when he left that night he sort of slipped out..and I went out shortly after him, as I opened my car door he said, good bye charlotte from his car. I didn't even see him standing there because it was dark. I was sort of following him but not really, but it wouldn't be uncommon for me to come over to his car. That was not my plan however. Then he said, "you can stay, you don't have to go". I said I am just getting my music books. He said ok and left. As I thought about it I wondered if he had wanted to tell me something, along the lines of look we're friends, that's it" (We had discussed appearances of evil and dave and kara's situation on friday night when we went to get a bite to eat). So I thought it was at least in the back of his mind.

Anyway as I thought about it more especially on my way home that night. I decided that maybe I should find out exactly what he was thinking. I hesistated about calling for a while and then called around 10:40. He picked up but wasn't busy. So I said that he seemed quite at church was something bothering him? He said "I was? nothing was bothering me". I said was there something you wanted to tell me..he said no I told you everything I wanted to say...I said ok.....I guess I just thought there was something because I had something bothering me and I guess I projected it onto you.

Then I said, well I need to talk to you about something. I said I know that we are friends, I head knows this but my heart, just doesn't get it. I just can't control it..and I feel some very strong feelings for you. At some point I am likely to say something that embarasses you. I said, I am assuming that I understand your feelings correctly, but I feel that our relationship has come to a point where either we need to change some things or it's going to have to get more serious. Am I mistaken in thinking that you view this as a friendship and that's all.?...He indicated that is the case. He said give it to God he will help you. I said yes, but sometimes we have to do things as well..he said yes that's certainly true.

I said I would love to have a family some day. I am young and I still have time. I know you would like to have a family. But if we continue like we are I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. Since we look like we are a couple people assume we are a couple. This doesn't do either of us any good. I think that the seating arrangement needs to change. I will have to find a new place to sit at church. I won't like it, but I will learn to accept it. Let's face it if someone come into church that is the type of person either of us would like to know, and they see us sitting together they won't even give us the time of day because they will think we are a couple.

I told him I thought that if we had to we could acutually make a relationship work, but that's now what I want..I want someone who PASSIONATELY LOVES ME and I feel sure that he wants the same thing. It's just that I have trouble believing that a friendship such as ours could only be that..it almost seems unnatural. He said he knew what I mean and that I am not the first woman that he has gotten into this situation with.

He said that he and Debbie were just talking the other day about how I helped at the funeral home with his grandnephew and how much they appreciated it. He told me that he does care about me and that when people at church ask about our relationship that he didn't mind them thinking we were together but he was concerned about my feelings being hurt when I had to say were aren't. I told him I really appreciated that and had been a problem in the past but that I had gotten over it.

I asked about visiting his mom and he said that he thought that a Christian influence would be good for her and that stopping in every once in awhile wouldn't hurt anything.

I explained that I understood that he was searching..and that I had seen his loveandseek profile. I told him not to worry about it that I 'm on there too. I relunctantly confessed that I broke into his account and did NOT read his email but did view the profiles of the women that had been looking at his account. I told him I had never broken into his email and had never read any of them. He asked how, I said you told me the password! He seems to have forgiven me. He said that my space was turning out to be pretty bizaar, russian brides women with problems etc. I told him it was the same for me and that I pretty much ignore it now.

God is good and he will sustain me. I pray that he will sustain Sean too and that he will provide Sean with a wonderful wife and a happy fulfilling life..single or married.

2007-04-09T09:05:00.000-07:00

David Schell keeps a detailed blog in my space. His struggle regarding his feelings for Kara closely resemble my struggles regarding my feelings for Sean. He has come to the conclusion that for now God does not want them to be a couple and that he was giving her a place in his heart that rightfully should be reserved for his future wife.

So, I feel for him...how could I not. His posts look like mine...and I know he didn't read this blog..unless he is an amazing hacker..and mind reader.

So it got me to thinking about how my relationship with Sean has mirrored this other relationship. I wondered if I should go ahead and accept that I am the one wanting more from this relationship and not him. Realizing that maintaining practices like sitting together, going out together and talking frequently probably isn't good for us. By the same token I should not decide to change things just becz someone else changes something in his relationship.

I realize I must pray about what God wants and be willing to surrender. But I can't surrender by just saying I'm surrendering...it needs to be a sincere and genuine act. HMMM

2007-03-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

I got a LOT of paper work done today. I filled out all of the computer class summaries. I am done a week ahead of time. So that's cool.

Debbie A's brother died yesterday. I am planning to go to the viewing. I think I will go sometime Thursday to the funeral home. She has always been a nice friend to have at the school.

All of the kids are done with their current projects so I need to think up new projects for them to start next week.

I just registered to take a class this summer. Something about theology and psychology. Hopefully I will survive the experience and come out with a good grade and not burned out.

Laureen E seems to becoming a good friend at church. I really appreciate and like her. She is easy to talk to. I have to be careful not to gossip, bucause she is so easy to talk to that I just open my mouth and start talking...which is a bad thing sometimes.

2007-03-19T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm back from Lynchburg. The drive home was looooong because we took the scenic route in order to avoid the snow and freezing rain around Breezewood/Bedford/etc. It took 8+ hours to get home. However we made it and never got lost once1 YAY!

I'm getting a job start on my projects..I am meeting with Kara to talk over an issue in her life on Wed nite...so I need to do whatever preparations are necessary for that. I'm glad to get a start on that...I want to get done my two projects a couple of weeks early so that I can have some down time before starting another class.

It was good to get to spend some time with Sean yesterday. He is an important part of my life whether or not I want to admit it.

It feels good to sleep deeply...and to feel familiar in my surroundings...I make a lousy traveler.
I really enjoy the ladies Bible study. I need to keep going.

2007-03-15T15:42:00.000-07:00

Today I am sitting here after a week of living and going to school in Lychburg VA. My Liberty experience has been a blessing over all. I am taking Coun 505 which is about individual counseling. I got to experience in role plays what it is like to try to counsel someone It's kind of hard to sit and try to find the right questions to ask someone in order to find out what is wrong with him or her. Then to know how to help them to get better...that's an entirely different issue. I believe that if someone does not want help it is impossible to give it to him or her. Teaching only requires expressing content...counseling is suppose to change the way people think or act. I'm lucky if I can even convince a person to go to the store or the movies with me much less to stop having panic attacks or to get off of drugs!

A is a nice girl. I am glad that I traveled down here with her. She has tried to be kind and considerate but we have 2 different styles of operating. She was taking the group processes class. She has learned a lot about herself and has done some healing. She managed to spook me about taking the class, but I think that I am a more emotionally whole person than she is and that it won't be as hard on me.

I am definately ready to go home. I am tired. Of course when I get home I need to find someone to do this group project with.......wonder who needs their problems explored...

2007-03-03T10:37:00.000-08:00

I finished my Multicultural Family Counseling class with an A (98%). It was strange I got an 85% on the last exam. Then when I went back to check my grade about a week later my grade was recorded as a 100% on the exam??? I guess they took out some of the questions and added 15 percentage points to my grade, but it is still kind of strange, especially since there was no dialogue on the discussion board about challenging test questions. I wanted to ask but decide to count my blessings and move on to my next class.

I would like to ride Sunni today. He is up by the house right now, but I don't know when mother will be done with Peek A Boo. I will wait for a while. Mom is only running Peek right now. So it will be a while til I can run Sunni.

Sean is in Pensacola, Florida right now. He is working down there on some mission. However this trip has been poorly planned by the upper ups..so there really isn't much for him and the other man that is there to do. He isn't suppose to come home until April 6th but they may send him home as soon as this plane is finished being modified which could be as soon as this Thursday, but will probably be about 10 more days. Meanwhile he is staying the Best Western right next to the Gulf beach, eating out at nice restaurants and generally having a pleasant vacation..Oh to be a soldier..the pain! LOL.

However he did have a couple little instances that show how inexperienced he is. He and the other man he is working with checked into the Hampton Inn without reservations and stayed on a day to day basis. They got back early from work on Tuesday to find out that their rooms were reserved and they needed to find new accomodations....LOL...that hastened their exit to the Best Western, where the military billeting lady made sure they had reservations for the WHOLE time they are scheduled to be down there. I tried to warn him when I talked to him Monday....but,,,,I sort of got tuned out.....which according to my counseling book the skilled helper..is a common thing in conversations! Maybe I should join the reserves this deal sounds pretty good.

I've been praying for the Hipples all of them especially the kids, Christine Hines, Meghan and others who concern me..Luke McCoy with his chemo for the tumor on his spine..Sean with this jobless state, his mom and family for salvation, me for wisdom about my knee operation and my relationship with Sean and education.

I am going to Va in 8 days. My intensive is at Liberty in Lynchburg VA. I am traveling with a girl named Autumn. She is driving. She was in a class I took called statistics and research methods. I am very thankful to be sharing expenses with her. She is from Burgettsville, west of Pgh (towards OHIO)

Dad has diabetes. He is taking glucophage, a pill and is taking a cholesterol medicine for his high cholesterol. So far it is not causing him any problems. He has taken an increased interest in changing his dietary life style and has added a good bit of fish to his diet.

2007-02-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

I woke up yesterday morning already missing Sean and he hadn't even gotten on an airplane yet! (OH the pain of being too attached to someone!)

So I knew he was leaving at 12:00 pm for a 7 hour flight (he had to be on base by 10 am). I wondered if he would call me when he got there. He had said he would..and about the time I thought he wouldn't the phone rang and it was him! Of course, Dad and I were bringing the horses in so there was a great commotion. (I had brought the Buscie boys in first, which was the wrong thing to do and we didn't have enough stalls) Blackie sort of attacked Blue Sky right next to the phone and they both make a horrible squealing sound and Dad yelled don't talk on the phone!) All of this was going on at 10pm. However in the few moments before that happened I got to find out he was there safely, that he had gotten his room and had gone to some briefings once he arrived in AZ and that he was tired and the flight was boring. I told him that I was in the middle of something and couldn't really talk right now and we said good bye..but when Blackie made all that noise I couldn't even hear what he said on the phone..the noise was too great..and I was trying to hide on the steps from the horses! I look forward to getting more details about the trip today or tommorrow.

2007-02-10T16:03:00.000-08:00

My knee is giving me trouble again. I fell on Wednesday or Thursday on the icy driveway while I was leading Buddy down to the lower barn go out with the herd. My feet went in front of me and I landed sitting on my rearend with Buddy standing their looking down at me. My left knee got aggravated and has been sore ever since.

The weather continues to be cold. It hasn't been over 20 degrees in days maybe a couple of weeks. I am hoping that it warms up next week. This cold weather is hard on the horses, the people and the lesson business.

Thursday Sean and I went for an early dinner at the "Smokey Bones" it is a nice western theme restaurant near the old Greengate Mall. It is way too expensive..meal was $36. However we had good food and an enjoyable leisurely meal. We went out because he is leaving tomorrow to got to AZ for a reserves mission and then after that his plans are uncertain but it may be that he is leaving the Monday after he arrives home on Sunday from AZ for 5 weeks in Florida, so it maybe 8 weeks or so until I see him again.

A vet tech school requested an interview with me regarding teaching some of their computer classes. I think I would like that. I don't have an interview set up yet. The place is in Pittsburgh. So we'll see.

2007-02-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

It has been so cold. It was -3 this morning. Autumn was cold last night. She was in the cistern stall. The door to that stall allows the wind to blow throw onto her. Dad saw that she was cold and we blanketed her last night. She was fine as soon as he brought her in and fed her. By the time I got there she was warm. Mocha was cold tonight. He laid down out in the field and got snow and ice on him. He seemed colicky and cold. So I double blanketed him. Julie noticed him being all snowy and icy and pointed it out to Dad. I gave him 8 ccs of Banamine. He was feeling better within a short time of the shot. Then he ate a little hay and drank some water.

I went to the I Antioch Baptist church last night. There was one other white person there. He was an usher named Kenny. The worship was active lots of clapping, swaying, say it, loud singing. The people were very friendly towards me.

Sean is unsure of what his jobs will be with the military. He was suppose to activate to do 170 day activation (originally 139 days) that would have him operating as a crew chief. He would travel with the airplane, not to the desert and be gone about 50% of the time. Then on Friday they revealed that the colonel had changed the alloted number of people from maintenance from 2 to 1 and had given the other slot to another department to fill. So, he and another guy were in competition for the spot. The possible solution they have come up with is to have one guy do an assignment in Florida at Duke field for the first part of the 170 days and then do the last half of the 170 day flight crew job after the Florida thing finishes up. Florida would entail 1 month stay there feb-end of march and then home until the end of april and then florida from may-july. So Sean volunteered to take that because he felt bad for the other guy since the other guy is married. However he feels upset with the change and fear that everything will fall through right now when he needs the work. Also all that time away from home bothers him. The flight crew job seemed like it would be less time away at a time. Honestly though they can keep him away as long as they want at either position. He was unselfish about the whole thing. Everything is uncertain right now as to what his assignment will be . He has a interview with the cable company tomorrow. I really pray that he will get a good paying, enjoyable, challenging, stable, close to home, with good coworkers, safe job.

That's all for now. No school today & it's cancelled for tomorrow due to the wind chills.

2007-01-30T06:49:00.000-08:00

Last night I was very tired. So I took a shower. Then I tried to work on my paper but I felt so groggy that I went and laid down on my bed with the light off. That was around 5:30. Then around 7 Sean called. It was a good thing that he called because that made me get up. I talked to him for a while but I was still sleepy and he was checking his email so the conversation was lacking in pep. He said that I was delusional when I started trying to figure out if the plural of rhinoceros is rhinocerori or rhinoceroses...lol it's both plus the singular spelling.

I think that I finished the rought draft of my ethnic heritage paper for coun 504. Now I need to get it all fixed up to turn in by Sunday.

On Sunday I will be attending church at I Antioch Baptist Church in Greensburg. It is a mostly black church. I am going because of an assingment for another paper for this multicultural class. It is a good day to go because they are having an anniversary celebration that day so I will have plenty to observe. I will be glad to be able to start early on that paper since it is due in a mere 3 weeks. The timing is great since it will be the first of 4 weeks in a row that Sean will not be at Friendship. I would rather not miss when he is there since he will be missing a lot in the next few months.

2007-01-29T09:42:00.000-08:00

Winter Weather..cold and snow. Yesterday I was surprised by about 2 inches of new snow that fell during the church hour. I stayed for lunch but decided to come home before the 1 pm service. My AWD is not functioning properly, the rear wheels don't pull and my tires are less than adequte although they are new. I got home, but I got stuck on Chicka Road in front of our place right after the stop sign on the corner. Someone else was going slowly so I stopped and waited. I could not get started again after I stopped. So I backed up a couple of times and ended up on Hi Acre Rd. then I got my speed up and managed to drive to the bottom of the driveway. Then I parked it down there and walked up.

Lately, but yesterday especially Sean seemed pretty melancholy. He will miss the next 4 weeks due to his Reserves obligations. This Sunday he has his regular Reserves obligation, then the next 3 Sundays he is away for 2 weeks in Arizona for his Reserves trip that he does every year. After that he starts an activation that will have him serving as a crew chief. He will go every where a certain C130 goes. He will be in charge of fueling it, setting up its seats and other fun things like that. He will be in the usa, and other parts of the world he isn't suppose to go to the desert and should be home periodically. I think that the combination of his next absence, the fact he will be traveling and doing a temporary job for the next 139 days of activation, the loss of his dad, the money crunch due to unemployment ending, the lack of a real job and the stress that goes with all that is really starting to weight on his shoulders, and the fact that his car needs work at the mechanics today. I try to frequently pray for him and to be an encouragement to him. Most of this seems to come out in church as we sit there and "listen" to Pastor Miller.

It bothers me to see him sad and it makes me lonely when I think about how little I will see him this year.

Friday night was very cold. Sean and I had plans with Amy and Jayson. Amy and Jayson were suppose to pick me up at 6 pm to meet at the steak and spaghetti house at 6:30 with Sean. Jayson called about 5:45 to tell me Amy would be about an hour late getting home from work. So I called Sean, who had already left to come to the restaurant. He was at the local BP because he made a wrong turn, so he kept driving to my house. He had to walk up the driveway and park at the bottom of the hill. His car was giving him trouble, the lights were very dim and the low beam wasn't working at all..so he was upset about that. The house was less than clean, but at least it wasn't at it's worst ever. Mom and Dad left to go to dinner and he was starvng because he had been "saving up" all day for dinner with us. He seemed really appreciative when I offered him a hot chocolate. He relaxed over the hot drink and also had another and ate 1 apple. Once he relaxed then we could chat and listen to music. I played the CD he had made for me a few months back. We left for the restaurant around 7:10 Amy and Jayson were there when we arrived. Dinner was enjoyable. Amy and Jayson told us all about their adventures in Greece. Amy should write a book, I think it could be a best seller. We stayed there until late and then Sean tried to start his car but the theft system was on so we waited another 15 minutes in the entrance doors for that thing to go off. He got home ok. Jayson and Amy drove me home and Jayson was able to get the Ford Taurus up the hill with no problems at all, I was impressed. We hope to get together again in the end of Feb or in march.

2007-01-23T19:17:00.000-08:00

Last week from Jan 12-19, Mom and I were in Texas. We went to visit Roy and Rita Motley. Rita is mom's first cousin. The trip there went well on the airplanes and they were there to meet us at the Austin airport. It was rainy the next 2 days. I went to cowboy church with Roy.

I also enjoy seeing Roy and Rita. Roy and I seem to have a special bond and enjoy being together. We like to talk to each other and to hear about each other's lives. Rita is a very sweet Christian lady who genuninely cares about other people and has lots of energy.

We had some sleet and snow and had to stay at the ranch from Tuesday until Friday. We did get to brush the horses wednesday and to ride them Thursday. We left Friday. I did the barn cleaning M,T and W.

2006-12-24T12:37:00.000-08:00

Today was nice. I had a lot of cards to give out to church people. Jill and her husband came today with her niece. Jayden was good for about 1/3 of the message. Then his dad took him out, and I offered to take him to the nursery.

Sean was sweet and brought me 2 gifts. 1 for my birthday and 1 for Christmas. He didn't know which one was for what, but he gave me a lovely silver horse charm on a necklace. He also gave me a box of candy. I am touched by his thoughtful gift.

I went to his mom's to drop off her card, but I couldn't find the dumb card. So I gave her a CD I had burned. Patty had gotten in around 2 am because nathan passed out at a KFC in West Virginia. He has a rash. He had been given Benadryl and Tylenol. The docter didn't know exactly why he passed out but thought that maybe it was due to the combo of the 2 drugs and sitting in the car for so long..when he got out his blood pressure dropped too much. However he is ok. Sean's mom looked tired. She was still in her bathrobe. I wished her a merry Christmas and gave her a CD too. She invited me to their Christmas Eve dinner and family get together. but I told her I would be with my parents.

I think I was suppose to lose those cards, because that made me have no card for Debbie and Amanda. So I went and got them another card and put $20 in it for Christmas. They weren't there so I left the card and envelope on the door to her bedroom. I hope she gets it. I made it to her because I didn't want Amanda to get her hands on it, I want to contribute to Debbie paying her bills. She is one month behind on her rent.

2006-12-22T18:41:00.000-08:00

Here it is my BIRTHDAY and almost Christmas. I am now 35! So instead of complaining about feeling old..I will count my blessings.
1. Suzanne called and talked for a long time.
2. I got to talk to Ruth Anne on the telephone.
3. I'm still alive
4. Mom took me out to lunch today
5. The house is sort of clean
6. My computer currently is still running
7. I had enough money to buy a new saddle
8. I sold my Stubben hunter saddle and made $150 dollars profit
9. Selling the Stubben will help to pay for the Par Cours Dressage saddle.
10. The Par Cours fits me better
11. The Par Cours fits Sonny better
12. I didn't get hurt too badly when I fell down yesterday
13. I didn't get my foot stepped on when my boot got stuck in the mud and my sock got all wet tonight.
14. I have good friends even I don't get to alk to them alot.
15. Sean took me shopping Tuesday
16. I got to spend December 9th with Sean
17. Sean is my friend.
18. He is a kind and loving man
19. The children at church love me
20. My parents love me.
21. I have a good job.
22. I have a great boss.
23. I have Sonny
24 I have good coworkers that I like
25. I have a good church
26. I have many friends at church.
27. I like my schooling
28. I have health insurance.
29. I have a nice home to live in.
30. I live near my horse.
31. My car runs.
32. I am saved
33. My family is saved.
34. My cat is a good hunter and good friend.

2006-11-30T20:18:00.000-08:00

I went to his sister, Carol's house with the rest of the people who went to the graveside service. Once we got there we waited quite a while for his sisters, Patty and Debbie to come back with some food and a big white layer cake that had a cross on it, also done in white. I did get to talk to Patty's friend Christy who had driven up with her family from North Carolina to attend the funeral. She was very nice. She and her husband and son stayed at Sean's house. They got in Monday morning around 1 am. At about the time I was just starting to relax and enjoy talking to Sean in the kitchen. I heard a noise behind me and saw his mother looking very strange, me and other people went up to support her and she started to fall back and she had water coming out of her mouth. As she coughed the water out it went down and the warm water dripped onto my feet, kind of freaking me out. I didn't know what was wrong with her but she got a lot heavier so I sort of let my body get under hers and leaned her against the counter. A young man came up behind me and was holding her up from behind me (Joey?). Since I was between them I told him why don't you take her, so I manuvered out from behind her and he took over People started to call Carol and then they started to call out to call 911. Then something came up and she started to breath. She had swallowed a big piece of chicken. After she said something and stood there with Joey holding her up for while, Joey helped her into the bedroom. She laid on the bed. After that I needed to go home. I felt drained and nervous. I said goodbye not to long after that. I did say good bye to each of Sean's sisters. Carol looked exhausted and pale. I said to her "I know, no I don't know how you feel, I couldn't, but I know it hurts, alot. I will be praying for you". She said "You are just super". I said goodbye to Sean and then left.

2006-11-16T11:12:00.000-08:00

The weekend and beginning of the week were tiring, and emotionally draining. However last week the weather was beautiful and I got to ride my beautiful and sound Sonny. He behaved well.

The weekend and beginning of this week were tiring because of the goodbye ceremonies for Sean's dad. The viewing lasted on Sunday from 2-4 and 6-8. I attended church that morning and ate lunch at church. Then I left the church right after the 1:00 service and went to Ott's Funeral home in Irwin. I went unsure of how long I would stay. I went early though because I wanted a chance to talk to Sean and I knew that as people started to get there things would get crazy. So I went in, and signed the book. Then I went up to the receiving line. His sister Debbie was first and he was next to her. I thought of shaking his hand but his eyes and body language seemed to be asking for a hug. So I smiled with my eyes and put my arms and hands out for a hug. He hugged me for quite a while and kept patting my back with both of his hands. His emotion and desire to reach out to someone for support were communicated to me through his hug. Then he introduced me to his sister, Debbie. She smiled and said I've heard so much about you. It's always Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte. She said that we need to go out for dinner sometime, that she had been trying to get Sean to invite me to go with her and him. I told her that he had told me and I had been surprised that she even knew about me. Then I greeted and gave a hug to Patty and her kids Clayton and Crystal. Then I got to another boy, and they told me it was Quinton. I didn't even recognize him and his mother Carol, I didn't recongize her either. When Sean reminded them of when they came out to see Gusty Wind then they all remembered. Carol said she remembered my face. Both Quinton and Clayton seemed excited remembering the memory of that visit. Then I got to his mom. The others told her that I am Charlotte, Sean's friend. She gave me a hug and said thank you for coming dear. Then I noticed a man next to her. They introduced him as Jerry, Sean's brother and Patti his wife. We politely shook hands and said hello. Sean's great nephew, 4 3/4 year old Nathan was sitting on a chair behind the receiving line drawing on a piece of paper with a pen. He had no activities to do and his mother was trying to watch him and greet people at the same time. I had brought some sticker books for him. I asked his mother and grandmother if I could give some gifts to Nathan. They said yes go ahead. Then I sat down with him and showed him the presents. He like them, so I asked if I could stay and watch him while they did the receiving line. So I stayed with him until 4 o clock when the viewing hours were over. He enjoyed looking at the books with me. A great number of Sean's church friends came. Many of them came as a result of my phone calls. Our singles friends who came included Lisa Lundie, Carol and Carl Benson, Joe Leurquin, Annamarie Keller, Louise Dufford, Ellen Procter, Jonathon Procter and his girlfriend and her cousin. Also Amy and Jayson showed up as well. Jim Kelly called Sean to offer his condolences on Saturday. The church people who showed up were: Eichelbergers, Halfertys, Millers, Parkers, Me, Meinerts (?), Mom and Dad. Herky Pollack showed up sometime when we weren't there or aware of him and he left a substancial financial cash gift. Every visitor was a great comfort and encouragement to Sean. He was very thankful to me for making all the calls. I did not tell him all of whom I called so there were some suprises that came in the door.

When Jeff came through he prayed with Sean, Pat, Clayton, & Crystal. At first the room remained noisy with chatter, but then as people realized they were praying all of the immediate family bowed their heads and closed their eyes and the noise in the room quieted until all we could hear was Jeff praying.

Later they needed to go get the food from Friendship and I offered to go get it and drop it off at Sean's mother's house. They said that would be great. Sean said I could stay and eat. However I wasn't sure how comfortable I felt doing that. Once I got the food and delivered it Patty and another family member asked me to stay and eat with them, so I did.

I stayed and ate with them. The family was very kind to me. Mike came later and stayed until about 5:30 which was about the same time that I left. Sean's sister Debbie commented on how Friendship did more for them than their church did. I told her people at Friendship are loving and kind and genuine. She said and Sean is a member of that church. Like she was very proud of that fact.

I went to Procters after that because I had told Ellen that I would be over. Jonathon was gone but Louise, Ellen and Annamarie were there. It was good to see them again. Then I went back to the funeral home and stayed about an hour.

I got home around 8 pretty tired out and emotionally drained. I left the house again around 8:30 to get to the funeral home by 9:30. I got there around 9:15 before most of the family except for Carol and her son. Sean was glad to see me there. Every looked so sad. Then the priest came and the family was in the room with the casket and the other people were in the next room. The priest said some prayers and then instructed friends from the next room to come in and look at the body one last time, then the family each looked at him one last time. Then we went to our cars, a bagpipest played a couple of songs including Amazing Grace last and the Pall bearers (Sean was one) carried the coffin to the hearse and then got into a limo and a car. Then everyone drove to the church, the mourners parked right by the church and went in and sat at reserved seats then after a while the pallbearers brought the casket in and they parked it in the middle aisle right in front of the "altar". Then the priest said the mass. Then the pallbearers took the body out and the mounrners followed. They put the casket back in the hearse and then got into the cars/limo. Then we drove to the cemetary .."union circle" I think. We drove way far back into there..then we parked and the pall bearers carried the coffin up to this small paviolion tent with no side and sat it on a stand. It was a hard carry up the little hill with several 2 teenagers and 2 older men in addition to Sean and his brother carrying the casket. Some of the crowd could get under the awning and the rest stood outside in the grass. Sean and his family sat across from us facing us and the casket with an aisle between them and the casket. The priest said some stuff, then the miltary from the American Legion did some honors, shot their guns and folded and presented the flag to Mrs. Cody. Then Patty White and Pat Cody sang "Danny boy" everyone was given roses, the mourners laid a single rose on the casket then the family did , as we the friends walked down to the cars, the family. I saw them looking at and leaning against the coffin. I saw Sean come down the hill, looking bad. The emotion was flowing from his body as he was doubled over...sobs coming from within his body and tears out of his eyes, but not a fullfledged balling like a woman might do. He double over briefly a couple of times. I had thought about getting into my car and either going home or meeting them at Carol's for lunch as they had asked us all to do, but I thought I better see him before I left. So I had started up there, but when I saw his emotion I walked even faster back up that small hill to him. We met and I just murmured "hey you, hey you" like I would to a small child and put my arms around him he held me too. I could feel his body wracking with sobs and his head leaned lightly against mine. I told him "it'll be ok, it'll be ok". He said "I know" through his emotion. The words we spoke did not matter, it was the act of being a comfort and sharing his burden that mattered.

2006-11-11T20:11:00.000-08:00

Sean called me on Friday morning to tell me that his Dad died early that morning. (Nov 10). I had just gotten off of Reo (a naughty pony I was training) and was trying to get ready to catch the horses for the trail ride when the phone rang. I answered and it was him. He asked if I could talk or was I busy. I said, that I was a little busy but that I could talk some. He told me that his Dad had died and that Crystal his niece had been there with his dad "monitoring" him. She said that he passed away peacefully.

I told him I was so sorry. I reminded him "aren't you glad Brian went to visit him Tuesday". Brian went at Sean's request to visit his Dad. He brought Mrs. Cody a candle (he came unaccounced) and asked if he could pray with his dad. First he read to him about heaven, from revelation, then he said "if I'm worth my salt as a pastor I have to ask you how you will get to heaven," and Mr. Cody said, "Jesus. " At some point Mr. Cody closed his eyes and described the fruit trees in heaven, with such vivid detail it was like he was seeing it in a vision. Brian said it was a very powerful encounter.

Sean said he was very glad that Brian had visited. I told him you will see him again someday, in heaven. I told him that I really thought he had gotten saved. Sean said that he heard his dad saying in his sleep "wretched sinner that I am"..he was definately thinking about what Sean and Patty had shared with him out of the gospel.

Sean asked me to call the church people. So I called Hipples, Millers, Parkers, Amy, Jim Kelly, Joe and Annamarie Keller. I emailed Aunt Elice, Dai, Premjit, and Katie Hartman. Then today I called with more accurate information: Louise, Joe, Jim Kelly, Ellen Procter, Hipples, Hines, Carol Benson, and Lisa Lundie. I need to call Annamarie with the corrected viewing times in the morning.

I sent a plant to Sean's mom's house. Tonight he called me and thanked me for it. He thought it was really nice. He was happy Jim Kelly had called him..LOL I had given Jim the phone number. He wanted to have Parkers number because his family wants to borrow the gym to have a meal in on Monday after the funeral.

Viewing 2-4,6-8 Sunday at the Ott Funeral Home
Departing prayers Monday at the Ott Funeral Home
Funeral 10 at the Immaculent Conception Catholic church..
I get to miss work I guess. I wasn't planning to go to the graveside, but I might. I'll see how it goes.
Catholic take on a funeral ugg. I guess I will call up my boss and tell her I need the whole day off.

Last night my sleep was disturbed. I kept dreaming about Sean's situation with his dad passing away. I guess I was empathizing.

In other news, until today the weather has been beautiful. I rode Sonny Tues-Friday..he has been great! Especially yesterday.

Democrats won the Congress narrowly. So I guess I'm ready for the rapture now!

2006-11-05T12:38:00.000-08:00

Just after I wrote the last blog I had one of the strangest events of my life happen.
I went to BP for a snack. When I pulled in, I saw a young man and a young woman aruging. I only heard the man talking loudly. I drove past them to park near the door as normal. However something about it seemed strange so I backed the car up so that I could observe what was happening. At first it seemed like they were only having a verbal argument and I decided to stay out of it, but then he put his hand on her arm and was trying to pull her away from the car that was parked there. He seemed to be pulling her harder and harder and somehow he and the girl ended up on the side of the car closer to me (driver's side) and I saw her fall into the car onto another girl that was sitting with the driver's car door open and her legs out. I thought he had pushed the first girl down. So I yelled to him to stop touching her. He yelled that she fell down. Something the other girl confirmed. So I backed the car up and around behind their car so that I could see better and put down the windows on that side of the car. By this time he was restraining the girl from behind. He had her hands up by her shoulders and she was struggling to get away from him. I yelled very meaningly that if he didn't let go of her I would call the cops. So, he said, she's my fiance, this is none of your business . I said let go of her or I will call the cops. The other girl made a signal to me , that basically said yes call the cops. So I said, I'm serious I already pressed 9, now I'm pressing 1. At that point, he let go of her and went back into the store. Once he let go of her the girl was crying and her face was flushed red. I drove my car back towards the store door but stopped so that I could see what the girls were doing. The girl's friend, yelled thank you, and I yelled (still upset from the incident) I suggest that you choose your friends more carefully in the future. She nodded yes and the girls got into the car and left. I drove the car close to the door and debated if I should go into the store or not. My nerves were stressed and my one leg was trembling. However I decided to go in, partly because I wanted my snack and didn't want to let that guy scare me and partly because I was curious about what he would do. As I entered the store, I heard a male customer, say-don't swear in front of women. I heard the guy say, I just had a fight with my girl friend. the male patron said well you still shouldn't be swearing in front of the women. Then the guy went back to the back, got his jacket and walked out of the store past me (I was at the register) he looked straight at me as he walked out but he didn't say anything. I was afraid of what he would do. Then I followed him at a distance out to the lot, and saw that he walked across the lot and then across route 819. I have no clue were he went. He is an employee up there, and in my opinion he deserves to be fired. He was suppose to be working at the time. I have no idea what he was trying to accomplish in that argument except to somehow control the girl. I wonder what he would do behind closed doors if that is what he does in broad day light at a public parking lot.

He is about 5' 8" has short hair and a thin beard that is carefully trimmed. He is slim build. This happened at BP gas and go gas station at about 3:30 in the afternoon on 3. The girl he was arguin with was an Asian (hispanic)? girl medium build, fairly long hair her friend was Caucasion. They had a sports type of convertible car, I don't remember the color but not white or black..red?? maybe

2006-11-03T10:57:00.000-08:00

Well, my schooling has become more intense. I am not taking 2-3 credit classes every semester. The classes are divided into 8 week sessions. The first one I took was very intense, but I made it though with a 93.49% which in that class=A. Finally an A in my program! I thought I would never get above a B. Yes it's a 90, 80 70, 60 scale, but still I did it.

Now I am taking a theories class. I have a 15 page paper due at the end of the 8 weeks. So I need to hustle to keep up. I'm up to date almost right now. I slowed down due to being sick for the last 3 days. I hope to pick up the pace now that I seem to be getting better.

I had to put Duchess to sleep last Friday. She was 15 and her cancer really overtook her. At the end whe was throwing up, and and unable to get off the floor. Once I took her to the vet her breathing got worse and blood was coming from her mouth. So I am glad I put her to sleep, but wish that I had decided to stay in the room until she was put to sleep so that they would not have delayed. I didn't want to stay so the tech took her to a back room to wait. I hope they did it soon. The place was so busy that I worried about that. I had bad dreams for 2 nights after imagining her waiting and other things. I won't make that mistake again.

I went to Montana oct 19-25. The trip was nice, but I always find that type of travel to be stressful. I am not real comfortable in the RV. I don't like the bed. But, it's cheaper and more convenient than a hotel and I value the privacy. I played cars a lot with Daniel and Ruth. We let the kids ride a couple of times and went to Butte one day for groceries. I got there a day later than I intended due to a cancelled flight out of Latrobe. The Lord knew best. I taught a salvation message that night and then didn't get home until 10? I still hadn't packed a bag due to trying to finish my course and clean up all the house areas (esp the dining room table and my room) that my parents wanted cleaned up. So I guess I needed an extra day. I did get to see my horse on thrusday. I had my flight 4pm thurs rather than 6:40 am. I stayed at the super 8 that night and then drove to suzannes in the morning after a trip to Walmart.

I think Mike and Suzanne are learning about waiting on and depending on God. They have not been able to sell the log house in Ennis. I pray that they can soon.

Sean's unemployment ran out about a week ago. He has never had nothing to fall back on before. I feel for him. I think the Lord is trying to teach him to be more responsible about finding employment rather than depending on unemployment. I hope that he learns quickly so that the Lord can make his situation easier again. He is much more diligent in the job search now. He was suppose to go to Florida for the air force--first it was oct 5, then, nov 20 and now jan 20. He may not go due to needing to get a job. He has money saved, but that will all disappear fast while he lives on it. He hopes to supplement his income by working 1/2 days at the base. Of course when he is desperate, he tends to take ANYTHING that comes along, no matter were it may send him in the world.

I wonder about people I have tried to outreach to. Jill is having touble getting motivated to go to church despite a lack of encouragement from her husband. Ihave been praying for her. Debbie Mathias almost never makes it to church due to poor health (cancer) and a lack of motivation. I seem to lack the motiavtion to help her though this. Or even to remember to pray for her sometimes. I get so self involved especially when I get busy or sick.

My prayer/devotional life has suffered in the last 10 weeks or so.

2006-07-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

It's nice to have Chase back to being sound again. I rode both him and Sonny today. As soon as the weather cools off and Sunny get's a couple of days inside he becomes a little (big) monster. I just ran sonny on Tuesday but by Wednesday he was acting silly, the bugs were biting him and he was trying to canter. So after he was a goob again today I decided to run him and Chase again. That went well and Sonny really did some wild bucks.

I rode Chase after that. He was good but he is unsteady in the head. Probably due to my hands. He was however starting to calm his head down some.

Sean seems to finally be becoming more upbeat. This new job isn't exactly what he was looking for. He is on the minor improvements team. He didn't have a lot of direction at the start. Now they have him fixing firewalls, not exactly electrician work.. His class has him a little burned out, but it's almost over, the final exam Tuesday and thats it.

I'm glad he is a little happier. He says he wants to have friends over to his house again. He didn't for a while.

2006-07-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

Here I am sitting on my bed, typing onto an online blog WITHOUT the use of a telephone cord! That is because I am now a DSL subscriber and off a wireless router that I installed along with the guy from tech support! I am truely a happy girl!

I have started swimming 3 days per week at the Franklin Regional Middle School. That should last until Aug 3, then the pool closes and I take a vacation from my swimming exercise. I should just face it lap swimming is fun, easy on my body and my knee likes it! I hope to find a way to continue to do it regularly. Of course a cute guy at the pool did serve to give me some motivation to get started. I met a young man named Joe there who is trying to train to get into the special opps part of the air force. He is a Christian! We talked. I hope to write to him while he's in training. However that is completely up to him because he's the one with my contact information and not vice versa. So that's kind of nice..it's not my problem. He's 27. It was nice to ask a person if they had peace with God and to get the right answer back! I would like to write to him for that reason more than an interest in a romance. A special forces guy 7 years younger than me isn't a real likely prospect. The Bible says to have friends, one must be a friend..I'm trying to implement that strategy in my life. I am trying to meet guys in good places and to have wholesome relationships with them. If something else comes of it then great..otherwise I am the richer for having a few more friends. It's possible that my heart is no longer chained to Sean....

Speaking of him he called me Tuesday while I was out swimming! I called him back but he was very tired and we agree to talk Wednesday. He told me Wed that he was feeling disconnected from good things like church and was hoping that I could help him to make that connection to something good. It made me feel good that I represent something that is so positive in his life. I shook his hand and told I am glad to be his connection to good things anytime!

Work is hard for him. It involves him doing things he isn't sure about with people he doesn't know well. He is hoping to geta permenant job there that will allow him to work with another electrician doing..electrical stuff..lol.

We had camp this week. A total of 6 kids attended Alex, and Ashely Elizeus, Tina Nyberg, Lizzy Wrobleski, Angelica Sarn, and Ryan. They had a good time but it was so hot especially Mon-Wed 90's. We kept rescheduling camp for earlier in the day just for the sake of survival. The only bad thing that happened was that Alex got dumped off of Reo. A bottom rail fell down and he startled. She only got scared..not really hurt. That may have been her first fall. Ryan made the most progress probably, but Lizzy, Tina and Angelica also made big strides. Abigail helped she did a nice job. Meghan is moving Bahati in about 3 weeks. She has been isolating herself from us up here..That will and does hurt Abigail I think. It hurts me too. I don't know if she plans to sell Bahati or not.

I posted a website for Lifeway. it needs work but at least it is up. I am waiting for comments from Dai. I am sure he will be kind in his assesment of it. I never thought that I would achieve posting a made from scratch website. So even if it get's disassembled it is still a huge success for me!

2006-07-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

Machester didn't close, bad information.

I am home from Montana. blogging while I was there would have been nice, but without interefering in other peoples lives I didn't really have the opportunity. Not to mention, it was nice to have a general break from computers.

Overall the trip was very enjoyable. Suzanne and Mike tried to be pleasant. The children were hysterical. Daniel and Ruth are so cute and active. The new baby Andrew Thomas is an easy baby. He is cute too.

Suzanne's life is still overly active. She is like the tasmanian devil with the dust flying behind her. We took the kids to the playground a few times and I went to Walmart one day with her. The RV gives us privacy and saves on hotel bills.

Mom and I went to Yellowstone. It was a nice trip. We stayed at a cottage called Hillcrest Cottages in Gardiner, MN. It was nice with a kitchenette and air conditioning. Only 68 for the night.

Thats all for now.

2006-06-13T13:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I found out the Manchester has closed it's doors. How sad. I remember it as the most positive church experience that I ever had as a kid growing up. In a lot of ways it reminds me of Friendship. The kindness, the warmth of heart, the good teaching, the people getting saved. I fear Friendship has gotten complacent and I fear that it will ruin us in the end, and that right now we aren't being used as we should. My spiritual life has followed the ups and downs of Friendship. It takes a very special person not to have his or her spiritual walk mirror that of the congregation they attend. I find that to be very sad and scary.

2006-06-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

On other topics. The Kaye and Janet McCoy family from Grace Baptist Church, Shelocta had a baby boy born on Monday. The boy Joshua Caleb was born with severe Down's Syndrome. His heart stopped at birth and then they got it restarted. He was put on life support and flown to Children's hospital were he remained on lifesupport until Wednesday. At that point, his kidneys were failing. The whole family held him andthen they withdrew life support after much prayer. He would have been in a lot of pain. He was the only baby that they had no medical help conceiving. He seemed like a gift of God to them. Like God wanted him back in heaven with him. They had a burial, memorial service and a meal today remember him. His father Kay spoke as well as Pastor Billock. They gave a salvation message. About 120 people attended.

2006-06-10T17:10:00.000-07:00

I have become curiously calm and tranquil over the last few days. I was anxious and upset when I came to realize that Sean is looking for a wife. I mean I may be reading a lot into the situation but I think that it's a safe thing to say. I became upset because I realized that it's not just a matter of waiting for him to notice me but that he is looking beyond me for a mate.

However I began to pray about the situation and to study my Bible. I came to realize that I care more about his happiness than about him PICKING ME. Him picking me relates to my selfish wish for my own happiness. Yet as I watch him I realize he is a very lonely person. Significantly more so than before he went to the desert for the war. I watch him with that silly dog of his. He absolutely loves her. He talks about Lucky all the time. He carries her up to bed in her little bed if she falls asleep before he goes to bed. He talks with people and tries to maintain relationships like crazy. Yet people leave and relationships end. His family is not saved so he doesn't have much any Christian comraderie there.

The point is I don't want him to be lonely. I don't want him to wish he has a family, children. I want him to have those things. I want him to have it with someone that he loves and that loves Christ, someone that he is a match made in heaven with. I want that more for him than I want to have him for myself.

So I started praying for him and his future wife. I started praying that God would send him someone and that God would orchestrate that relationship so that it ends in a happy marriage that lasts a life time. When I started to feel and think that way; I lost my desperation. I lost my sadness. Sure if God wants that person to be me..that would be great, but more importantly I want his happiness first.

If he is to remain single that I asked God to place the singles in families as he promised in the Bible and to relieve him of his lonliness and me too. I can accept remaining single for the rest of my life. It kind of scares me and makes me sad, but if it's God's will I accept it.

God has turned the love I have for him into a purer more sacrificial love. One that wants the best for him irregardless of if it suits my own personal needs, wants or desires. That alone makes the entire relationship worth far more than gold.

I know that the close intense relationship we have experenced is due to his intense need for friendship and I like most women couldn't imagine a close relationship with a man (at least not with him) that didn't eventually lead to romance and marriage. Which of course explains my entire tirade around Valentine's Day this year(the one that thankfully I did not vent on him).

2006-06-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

Today Dai said good morning after I logged on. That was nice. His mom is sick with low platelets count. Problem is her spleen. Needs a very expensive shot possibly or to have her spleen removed. shot=2700 dollars.

I am trying to sit and trust in Jesus right now. I feel so sad about my r-ship with Sean. However, I do feel the peace of Jesus and I slept ok.

Premjit was also online. He is planning a worship seminar fairly small for his church and some other local ones.

Matt Getz led someone to the Lord at boot camp! Good for him. The drill sergent really has it in for him.

2006-06-04T13:42:00.000-07:00

Well I blog today with a mixture of emotions. I think that I realize that Sean is LOOKING and LONELY. That makes me sad. I am sad because I wish that I am WHOM he is looking for. In reality, it seems not. I am the TYPE he is looking for but I think not the PERSON. I also think that I need to stop FOOLING myself. The fact that he is LOOKING and LONELY makes me feel LONELY AND SAD. In my heart, I had stopped looking. I was satisfied, no stunned that he could possibly be the right man for me. The truth is it's ALL IN MY HEAD. GET OVER IT ALREADY I say to myself. Rather get OVER HIM already I tell myself.

In some ways the fact that he is looking is good. It shows that possibly he is ready for the kind of committment that families are made of. I keep telling myself, fine then don't bow out, be one of the options for him. I'm honestly not sure how to handle this type of relationship. I'm not sure if I want to casually date. Or even just go out as friends. I want more, if I can't have it I don't know what to do.

I am turning my eyes to Jesus the author and finisher of my faith. I am trusting him to show me the path. I need to resolve to not step forward in this relationship with out first consulting him.

I saw on his computer a book mark for a Christian dating site. So now I know he's looking.
Good for him. He needs to look. It's just hard being friends. My heart tells me to just let him make contacts and basically ignore him other than that, my brain say that's hard. I need to pray more. Prayer makes things happen because God honors prayer.

On a happy note it looks like he got a job with the Veterans Administration Hospital in Butler as an electrician. It is a 6 months to 2 year placement. I'm glad for him.

I have started thinking about leaving the church again. I was thinking of going to the church plant but now they are talking about going to Plum which is farther than I think I should drive to church and traffic will be very hard. So I'm not real sure. I think that I need to not leave a church over a guy but need to some how resolve the relationship.

There are some things that I am fairly sure of.
1. He doesn't know who God wants him with but he wants to have a family
2. So he's looking
3. He thinks I'm a sweet FRIEND and unless God changes that view
that is exactly what I will remain.
4. He may sometimes think maybe I'm the one but he doubts that is the case.

O God help me. I feel so helpless and alone. Touch my heart and open my eyes. Give me wisdom like Solomon, Love like John he disciple and the Holy Spirit to hold me up.

Comfort my poor weary tired soul. Help me. Give me strength. I am alone and familyless. Put me into a family give me a loving husband and children. Lord I can't do this stuff without you. I want what you want for my life. Please make you will the one that is predominate in my heart and helpt the disatisfaction with my lot in life to go away. I

2006-05-23T11:36:00.000-07:00

Here I am having my last day, last class of the 2005-2006 school year. I sit here with a mixed blend of feelings. Part of me is sad go. Part of me breathes a sigh of relief to be done with the school year. Yet another part of me wonders what I will do to earn some extra money this summer.

I am hoping for a data entry job at home. Will I get it? Good question. The resume I sent looks very bad because it is from Word 97. Brillant! I guess someday I will learn. I am going to send them an edited resume and see what happens.

Sean is working on his job search finally! He is working 3 weeks at reserves or at least 2 so that will extend his unemployment time eligibility. He is doing his "reserves trip" here in Pittsburgh this year. At least I get to see him some that way.

His sister is coming up in June. I hope I get to go to the with him before she comes up. They are waiting for Clayton's graduation I think.

Well now the year's done!

2006-05-22T06:34:00.000-07:00

Today I am reeling from things i learned yesterday. Pastor Hipple announced his resignation from Friendship after 17 years of being Pastor. He explained how the Lord had provided him with the new position that he has at US airways that allows him to work from home most of the time and how being our pastor has been a very good thing. Now he wants to start a work either in Delmont or Blairsville, he is leaning towards Delmont. He knows of no looming problems at Friendship. It came as a shock to most of the congregation. I think he is following the Lord's will but it's hard to imagine Friendship without the Hipples. I think it made Sean pretty sad. Which is sad, because he had been in a very upbeat mood during the morning. I'm glad he stayed for lunch. I can't imagine why he did considering he was planning to go with his sister to look at some dining room furniture that someone might give him. I'm glad that he heard it for himself rather than 2nd hand from someone else.

I've known Pastors leaving, he hasn't. So I think it makes it harder for him.

2006-05-20T17:13:00.001-07:00

Last night, Sean called. It was a nice surprise to hear from him. He mostly wanted to talk about some possible job opportunities that he had heard about. He had a lady call from an insurance company, offering him a sales position and an interview on Tuesday..touting a 60 K paycheck. Then there were a bunch of jobs in Cambria County federal jobs in his field. He is applying for those jobs. The drive would be long, but the wages are 57 - 60000 so the drive might be worth it. We talked about a lot of other things. One thing that was interesting was that he seems to really want to go and see that Mission Impossible III movie with me. He was willing to leave Mike working at his place alone if he needed to, which honestly surprised me. I suggested he take his nephew because "it wouldn't kill me " to not see that particular movie. HMM..

I was praying this week about our relationship. We'll see what the Lord has in store for us.

Chase was basically sound today. It had been a year since I got to ride him and have him sound. Last year he started having trouble with abscesses, over and over. A significant chunk of his foot could have fallen away when it reached the ground but we managed to keep it trimmed and there was little problem with that. However in Jan he had another round with abscesses and they looked like little volcanoes had erupted along his cornet band for about 2 inches. So after he got over that the foot once again began to grow down. Thankfully it grows fast. Well now it has grown down to the point were in the next couple of months it will be at thr ground. Once again we are concerned that it will break out...and then he will be lame for quite sometime. It has developed into a hole that is a cup shape. So last Sat I filled it with Tigerhair Car Putty. It held all week even in the mud.! So I rode him and he was sound at the trot! Now I need to run him so that he is sound of mind! I keep putting Reducine on his cornet band hoping that it will cause more circulation to occur and more foot growth.

2006-05-20T17:13:00.000-07:00

2006-05-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

Last night was the closing program for AWANA. Barb had wanted the kids to memorize verses from John 10:1-15. Those were the Take It to Heart verses for this year about the good shepherd. She also wanted them to sing a song. Well then she made plans to not be there to practice with the kids in the weeks leading up to the program so she asked me to work something out. So I had them do the verses and before that to He Has Made Me Glad. So I practiced with the Kids. Last night I was very proud of them. They lined up in order. Sang the song with Brandon playing the piano. Then everybody said there verse in order by memory. The only exception was that Pete H didn't know the verse and read it off of a card (grrr) and Jon Golik said his verse before he was suppose to, but I managed to get him to correct that and let Max have his turn before him. Overall it was very nice!

Well I just got a call from Debbie M. She had all these wonderful things to tell me. She had a long talk with Pastor and Steve Eichelberger. Pastor prayed with her and gave her wise counsel that amounted to kick him out, he'll survive as long as you are supporting him he won't change. She said that when she went home she prayed and asked God to change A's heart about D. Then she went up and told David that she was disappointed in him that she couldn't pay her bills but he was living with them and not contributing anything and she told them that pastor wants to counsel with them as a couple so that they can see the difference between how they are acting in their relationship and how they should be conducting it. David didn't like that idea and go upset. Debbie went downstairs. Later Amanda came downstairs and told her mom that she had kicked him out. Debbie was very gracious to David and made sure he got to his mom's house and told him that she wanted him to stay off of drugs and to clean up his life. She said maybe then Amanda would feel differently about him. At Debbie's hearing the next day the public defender didn't show up. Debbie told them she just wanted to pay her bills and move on with life. They told her to pay her fine and her record would be clean. They want to go to church with me and I made an appointment to pick them up Sunday morning at 9:45. The Lord does answer prayer!

2006-05-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

The ambivilance of my relationship with Sean is frustrating to me. I guess that whole Cdateing site got me started. I think I thought things were getting more serious but now have a whole lot more doubt. I'm really trying to trust the Lord, but man o man is it hard. Of course also the posting is now on the tip of my tongue..and I want to say something to him about it but know that would be a very big mistake. I too had postings up until december and I seriously wondr if the fact I had them and he knew it has damaged our relationship without me knowing it, because it certainly has messed with my mind now that I now it's the other way around. I know he's lonely..all I have to do is listen to him go on about that new dog. In my heart of hearts I want him to find the right person..even if it's someone else, but it's just hard to accept that it could be someone else. OK I'm a lovesick weenie! I admit it!

2006-05-15T06:59:00.000-07:00

Well the last 2 nights I have had irregular but sufficient sleep. My cold is part of the problem. Also my head has been buzzing due to some anxieties I have been having regarding Sean, and regarding Debbie and her hearing today and her situation with David and Amanda. Yesterday she went to church with me after calling and asking me to pick her up Saturday. She told pastor her current problems and he prayed with her and told her to kick David out. She needs lots of prayer, which I have given for her and will continue to do.

I think I have 1 maybe 2 weeks left of giving computer class. I finished my paper over the weekend. Now I need to add a litte material and to edit it. I can't wait to finish this ordeal of Human Development. It looks like I am in solid B territory. Thank God but i was working for an A.

Suzanne called for Mother's Day last night. She and mom talked for quite a while. Then I talked to her and we had a nice talk. I told her I'm looking forward to seeing her and the new baby and reminded her that's it's been over a year since I 've seen them. She acutally sounded a little sad about that fact and she was trying to be very accurate with what she told me. :)

2006-05-13T19:46:00.000-07:00

After I wrote my last blog. I got to thinking about some stuff I saw on Sean's computer. One was a line to a C Dating site. I made myself a profile and went in to look. He had a profile on there. photos and all. I guess he's looking. He was perfectly honest and it's a good profile. I'll just have to trust the Lord in all this. The last time he logged on was thursday. Hmm wed he asked me to the movies. But in the end I'm just a friend to him. What does it take for me to realize that? If the Lord thinks more is good he will provide. Meanwhile I pray that he will give me mercy, discretion and wisdom.

I did the same thing before Sean ever did and told hm about it and men I met through it, so I guess I get what I sowed. Who knows maybe he's ready to make some changes. Oh the creature of habit that he is. I just hope I can handle whatever comes up. With the Lord's help I guess I can.

2006-05-13T14:35:00.000-07:00

Unbelievable! Wednesday I felt fine, by Thursday morning I had a cold. I felt yucky and the cold traveled all around my body until Friday when overnight it decided to live in my sinuses. It is still residing in my sinuses, but I do seem to be getting better.

So Sean asked me if I was interested in going to the movies this weekend Wednesday night, if Mike wasn't coming over...a caveat that didn't make me too happy. I told him yes that would be nice. Honestly I didn't think he was putting to much stock in the whole idea. So then later in the evening I said something about maybe he should put some priority on spending time with his faithful old friend Charlotte instead of always waiting on Mike to commit to things. He said that I was faithful...maybe we could do something during the week.

Anyway I figured that as most of our plans are it was a good intentioned vapor. So I talked to him on the phone later in the week and said well I'll see you Sunday. He said I plan to talk to Mike tomorrow then I'll let you know Thursday. Friday I called him to tell him about my new laser printer :) thinking about my laser printer makes me smile. He was happy for me and told me that he had spent the day with his Dad. His dad wasn't feeling well and spent most of the day sleeping rather than going to the hospital for his treatment. So Sean stayed at the house with him while he mom went and ran around. I guess his dad's chemo has made his feet all tingly and he has trouble walking around. All together it sounds like his Dad is weakening. Possibly dying in my opinion. So then we said good bye. A few hours later dad said I had a call..and it was Sean. He said he wouldn't be seeing Mike until Sunday and wanted to know if I wanted to go and see a movie Saturday. I agreed but told him I wasn't feeling to good so I might have to back out at the last minute. He said that was ok.

So I woke up this morning. After a not the most restful but not the worst sleep anyone has ever had and realized that I shouldn't go to the movies. I had the realization that with his dad so ill it's important not to expose Sean to more germs than necessary. I also realized that I wasn't even excited about going to see the movie because I feel so tired, sick and rundown. So I got up, took a shower, gave my remaining lesson away to Sherri and went to BP. When I got back I called Sean and told him that I wasn't feeling well and asked for a raincheck. He said that was ok it would probably be running for a while yet. I told him that I had a sinus headache, I'm still congested and that I am grumpy right now so I wouldn't make a good companion but that I did really want to go with him and that I wasn't even sure if I would make it to church tomorrow.

Then I spent the late morning messing with Chase. I brushed him and then cleaned out his feet. Then with mother's coaching I put Tiger hair fiberglass putty in his whole in his foot. I am hoping that support will make him more comfortable and sounder and that it will prevent his foot from just breaking off as that hole grows down towards the ground. I also put reducine on his cornet bands to encourage hoof growth.

I also played with Feather. I'm trying to get her to like me again. Ever since last Saturday when she got all bent out of shape when I was trying to lunge her after a lesson and she reared twice because she wanted to go back with the herd who was getting ready to lead. She has been acting weird when people try to handle her. So I buddied up to her while she was taking a nap. Then later I tried to catch her after she got up but she ran away from me. Later though she came back up to me while I was leaning on the gate. I gave her a carrot after a while. She seemed more relaxed around me.

Then I came in and fixed a beef stew in the crock put for tomorrow, mother's day. It is currently simmering in the crock pot. While I was cutting the carrots Debbie called to see if I wanted to take her to church. I said I would be happy to but I warned her about my cold. I also told her that I was missing the kids and hoped they would come to church please tell them. Debbie's hearing is monday regarding those unpaid bills that they had warrants out for her arrest on.

Sean's uncle Terry also has cancer-his dad's brother..colon cancer. Also sherri's step son in law has leukemia.

2006-05-09T11:24:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how crazy my days seem. Today the school had a long lunch out eating a picnic in the parking lot. The day was lovely so I didn't mind going out and eating my lunch with them and meeting some of the parents.

I need to learn John 10:1-15 for tomorrow night. Ya right. I finished 8 pages of my 10 page paper last night. I gave up on rescuing my database and other data from my laptop. So I guess the Lord has other plans for the database. I do have an old version on the old computer.

Dai wants to make and distribute a music CD that a friend of his had made. He is suppose to send me some songs off of it for my opinion. I hope they did a quality job on the production. I think the only hope is to distribute it to Nagas in this country with the support the ministry mentality. I did find one place that I think might have reasonable prices.

That's all for now :)

2006-05-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

It seems that I might be able to save some of my lost data. I am trying ot today. I am using a program called pc inspector file recovery version 4. David Schell has been very sweet about helping me. We worked on it yesterday at church. But the process was going to take too long so I got sent home to work on it. I am working on it now. Since I don't know the program I have made a lot of false starts but I am learning. I think this time I will suceed in saving some data. The one time the computer didn't have enough memeory to save the stuff for me. So now I am doing it in pieces.

I went to Sean's last night to get my Thumb drive so that I can transfer the data off of it to another computer so that I can view the data and then burn CDs of what I want. Mom wants me to rescue her jpgs. Which kind of stinks because there are so many on there. I am trying to rescue the database for the mailing list. It is the most critical thing.

I enjoyed spending some time with Sean last night. I actually stayed quite late, but we had a lot to catch up on. Lucky has decided I'm cool. She chose to sit next to me instead of him last night. Hehe. The St Bernard jumped out again this weekend Sean says. He was trying to see Lucky we think. I hope that pup doesn't get run over while it's loose in the future.

Feather needs major work. I rode her ok sat. But when I lunged her while the herd was getting ready to go she reared twice. :( I think she is in heat. She should be out soon. I think i need to keep a calandar for her training. I get frustrated working with her.

My paper about Teen Pregnancy is on it's fifth page. I need to keep at it.!!

I should be studying for test 4 right now. :( Looks like I"m gettinga B in this class.

2006-05-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday after school I went to Sean's. He was kind enough to let me connect his computer to my printer so that I could print all of my research out.

When I got there his car wasn't there. So I picked up the phone and gave him a call. It turned out he was on his way home and that he had a busy day. His mom had a flat tire, so he took his dad to the cancer clinic for treatment. He also tried to change her tire but it was on too tight due to the airtools used to install them and to the rust. So after the garage came and took the tire off Sean had to take the tire to be fixed.

So when he did get there I was studying my notecards. He said hi and went quickly into the house. I had my computer, my printer, and a a pair of jeans to bring in. So my hands were full as I went into the house. The dog was having a fit and he yelled down the steps for me to let the dog out. But my hands were full so I took the stuff upstairs first. He was on the phone and the dog was still barking. He asked why the dog wasn't out. I said let me put this stuff down and then I will take her out. So I put the stuff on the steps and tried to take her out. But she didn't want to come with me. She kept laying down and putting her head down. Then she started to come with me when I told her let's go outside for a walk. He came right after that and helped me take Lucky out.

He said that Lockheed had called and said that he had cashed pay checks that he shouldn't have and that they were going to send him to collections. However he mailed those checks back months ago. So of course that upset him a little.

After we took the dog out I set up my equipment and installed the software. He hung out with me most of the time that I worked. He was starving so he ordered Pizza from Johny's wife's place in Jeannette. It took me about an hour to print out my articles.

I sat in the living room with him and ate pizza. We always sit on the floor and eat from the coffee table. It was nice to relax with him.

Then we took the dog out again. This time the St. Bernards and the New Foundland dogs were out in the neighbor's fenced back yard. Sean really likes those 3. He said that I could go and pet them. So I went over and petted them. Then Lucky came over our direction. So we left to go back inside. All of a sudden Lucky got upset and then there was a St Bernard puppy running by us and sniffing her. Sean got Lucky back into the house and I kept trying to catch the puppy. But I couldn't get a hold of him he was too fast. Sean tried to open the gate but he couldn't. So i went and knocked on the door but no one was home. So as I came back down I got a hold of the pup, but he pulled me down onto the ground. So I got a hold of the choke chain part of the collar and the dog cried and rolled over on his back. I couldn't walk this pup, so Sean told me to let go. So I did. He got the gate open and the dog ran down to him. He opened the gate and the other dogs came down. So he ended up on the inside of the gate. lol. Then he saw a ball when the pup came back up he opened the gate and threw the ball. The pup seemed happy to run back into the yard and Sean shut the gate. The pup seemed like he wanted to take a nap after all that excitement! I officially do not want a St Bernard puppy ever..they need to get that dog some training for it's own good and safety.

When we went in Sean found that Lucky had pulled the pizza off the coffee table and it was upside down on the carpet. LOL! He was saying "Lucky did you do this? I wanted to eat that Pizza! Bad dog! You are in trouble!" as he cleaned it up. Then he made her look at it and yelled at her. Then she looked ashamed and kept hiding behind me and acting like she liked me! She is so amusing!

After that I went to Louise's for supper.

2006-05-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

On Friday I messed up my computer. Saturday I discovered the problem of havign a missing file and not being able to get the desktop up. So I had to put the recovery disks in. Good bye data. I have tried to undelete the stuff, but to no avail. I've lost the new mailing list..I hardly even have a copy of our old mailing list. i do but it's soo out dated. I'm just glad to have what I do have.

I watched Chronicles of Narnia with Sean, Saturday night. It was good. We ordered food from Johny's Wife's Place. Their food is good. I got to meet the dog Lucky. She stays right with him and thinks he's the best thing in the world. We walked around his property with the dog and followed the stream down a couple of lots. He is very excited about owning his own 1 acre of God's green earth. He has lots of plans for the property like blacktopping the driveway, fixing the yard wall and planting flowers.

During the day, I rode Feather. I rode her for almost 2 hours. She was good in the lesson. Then we trail rode her with 2 horses. Abbie and mom went with Feather and Autumn. The first tiem around she was balky but she didn't do anything dangerous. The second time around she didn't want to leave the barn area as we turned to head back out. I did nothing to force her to go but she reared up a medium level rear. I didn't come close to falling but she was ready to do it again. I guess she thought I would make her go. So I guess I'm going to walk her out there for days and days and then I will have the opportunity to correct her for rearing or to teach her to walk away from the other horses. I blame it all on Earliville . Her mother Betsy is such a sweet heart that it's sad to see feather have these problems. I would prefer to leave her out to pasture but mother doesn't want to waste her. However I would prefer to not work with a rearing horse. I think she's salvagable but I having a horse I can't trust.

2006-04-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

Last night I called Roy and Rita. It was nice talking to them. Rita says she is going to probably trade Bullet for Hawk. Bullet is just to much horse for her at this age and Hawk is a good citizen. Bullet would have a great home. They are getting ready to sell their house. It is listed and has been posted online.

Roy sounded very happy to be talking to me. He wanted to know if I had been too busy to call him back. Which is odd because I had left a message on Rita's cell phone and was waiting for her to call me back. Then I found out that he called my cell phone..the one I lost in a parking lot some where. He left a voice mail there, thus I didn't get the message. He actually called me twice and left 2 voicemails for me. He wants me to come and visit and seems to think that waiting until next fall is too long. ugg! I don't know what to do. But I need to finish this class and to go see Suzanne.

Her baby is due in May.

2006-04-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

When his family is here I struggle with jealousy. I want to spend time with him and don't get too. Also I wish that our relationship was more serious so that I would be included in family events. (I really just plain wish we were in a serious marriage path) to be honest. All the rest would follow naturally. But I am very glad they come and that he spends such amounts of time with them. That is all good. I am also very glad that he is so emotionally attached to them. I was impressed with how much he cares for Nathan the grand nephew.

2006-04-23T12:40:00.000-07:00

Well today Sean's family was at church again. They plan on leaving on Tuesday. Honestly Pat is a nice lady. I got to talk to her more today than ever before. She still misses her husband so much and feels so much lonliness. She said she was crying last night. But, she doesn't talk about it alot. She talks about other things and acts upbeat. Clayton enjoys chatting. He seemed glad to make the aquaintence of Maria Schell. They both have schooling to accomplish, but one never knows. Clayton works at a place called Fun Depot, an arcade - restaurant place I guess and it looks like he will be promoted to manager soon. That is impressive for a 18 year old boy.

I am drowning in school work. HopefullyMonday or TuesdayI c an take my exam. I need to start studying for that...rather continue studying for that this afternoon.

2006-04-17T17:29:00.000-07:00

Well today I intended to do school. However I did not. I did ride Sonny though. He was good I rode him during the 2 lessons that I had to teach.

Tonight I printed out my lecture notes. I discovered that I am one chapter ahead in my reading and notetaking for this upcoming test. So that is all good. HopefullyI can take this stupid test this week. I also need to really get cracking on this last paper that I need to write. I have most of my references printed and started taking notes. But I must get more productive!!! I think I need to lock myself in a room.

Mom and I just did the west nile and feline leukemia order. I think the cats are too expensive and shouldn't get vaccines.

2006-04-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

Today is Easter. I tried to go to the Sunrise Service at 6:30 but it was too early for me. At 5:30 I looked at the clock and "thought about going" and then went back to sleep. I did make it for breakfast, but everyone was done eating by the time I got there at 9 o clock. But there was food left, so I had some breakfast.

When I drove up to the church Sean's car was pulling out. We rolled down our windows. He was in a good mood he said he was going back to get his family. I told him ok, that I was going to eat breakfast and then go to Manor and get the Mathiases.

I brought the Mathiases to church. Debbie said that was what she needed and thanked me for taking her to church a couple of times. She talked to the Pastor which gave me time to talk to Sean and family. It seems like they are having a great time. The little dog really likes Sean and vice versa. (His new dog is named a Lucky, she's a little black female). Clayton seemed genuinely glad to see me and Patty spoke nicely to me and told me I need to come down to visit them. Crystal was friendly too and had her new boyfriend with her. It does seem very nice and in tune with the message being preached. Sean doesn't think he's saved but I don't know that he really knows. He bases his information on what Pat says. I hope he's saved. Nathan has grown very tall almost to my chest! Amazing for a 3 year old kid!

Debbie wanted to talk to the Pastor and to have him pray for her. He did meanwhile David and Amanda got into the car and waited with the door closed and windows up. It must have been hot in there!

2006-04-12T06:21:00.000-07:00

The crunch starts today. I have one week until I go back to school to teach so I must catch up on my paper writing and book studying. I also want to ride my horse!!!!

Sean did a redo on his informative speech last night. He needed to add more quotes and citations, which he did. His teacher gave him 29 1/2 out of 30 points. So his A is virtually guaranteed. He has one more small speech to give next week. He said something nice though last night. He said "I don't think that I will get A's in all my courses. But someone told me once, in fact I think you told me once, that I could get A's in college". I told him that I knew him well and that I had been to college I knew he could get A's there. He said that he didn't really know what college was until now and even now he doesn't completely know.

It was nice to know that my encouragement stayed with him. I like to build people up.
That's all for now!

2006-04-09T18:03:00.000-07:00

Well here I am. I took an exam last night for my class and I still have 2 more to take and one 10-15 page paper to write. I think my topic will be teen age pregnancy. I am trying to read up on it.

Today was nice. I went over to pick up Amanda and David and they asked to follow me to church in her truck so that she could know the way. That was fine with me it gives them and me both more freedom. We sat in the back in the rowwhere Sean and I normally sit in. I wondered how they would react to him. He came in late and looked at me with a should I sit there look on his face. I smiled and nodded. So he did. He was very talkative, which is bad in a church service. I was concerned about our influence on the kids. Pastor preached a hard hitting salvation message based on the crucifixion on Christ. The kids listened but didn't go forward at the altar call. They stayed for lunch and then went home.

Sean's sister & family are coming up on Friday and spending Easter with the PA family. I hope they have a good time. He is sooo excited. I think Pat & company are going to stay with him. He just got his upstairs bathroom finished so the timing seems to be perfect.

Now I have to get back to working on this paper.

2006-04-03T07:01:00.000-07:00

Today I am at school with the kindergarten. They are getting to type words that they know on the computers.

Amanda is eager to get Angel out with the mares. I had the uncomfortable job of telling her that she needs to wait until Wednesday when Mom and Dad get home from Montana.

The time I have spent baby sitting the farm has been challenging. The hardest part has been dealing with helping Amanda to adjust to being here. Once she settles in I hope things are better but she is threatening to move one of the horses to HI ACRES so that she can get them separated sooner. I told if she had to ok, but couldn't she wait 48 hours?

I also had to put Pierre to sleep last week. He was very ill with cancer and with a chronic infection. He had coming out of his mouth for 3 days and he kept trying to escape to the outside. One day he stayed outsdie all day I thought he had gone off to die. I haven't taken the care of Duchess that she needs. I have let her place on her neck close up.

Kathleen is going to Italy for Easter. She is very excited. I think the holiday spent in Callibria sounds fascinating.

I need to start finishing up this course I have been taking..Human Growth and Development I have one more paper and 3 tests to take!!!